


Doubt

by Burgie



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Male WoL, Miqo'te WoL, Multi, shb spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:48:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22010563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Burgie/pseuds/Burgie
Summary: Even after everything, Urianger still has doubts over coming home. Jack belongs to UglyJackal.
Relationships: Urianger Augurelt/Cid nan Garlond/Warrior of Light
Kudos: 8





	Doubt

**Author's Note:**

  * For [spotty_lion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spotty_lion/gifts).



When he’d first awoken on the First, naked as his nameday, Urianger had felt fear sink its talons into him. Bared, exposed, his deepest secret revealed to one of whom he had never met before. Though, there was that voice, vaguely familiar. Deeper, yes, but…

“Ah! My apologies, it appears as though I’ve done it again,” the strange robed man with crystal crawling over his form had said, his face flushing red before a wave of his hand had draped the elezen in a robe.

“W-whoever art thou?” Urianger had asked, clutching his robe tight around him.

“I am the Crystal Exarch,” the man had introduced himself. “Truly, I cannot apologise enough for bringing you here. I was aiming for someone else… several someones, actually.”

“Jack,” Urianger had said, ice in the pit of his stomach as golden eyes had widened. “I-I left him behind, bereft, truly I did not meanest to, I-“

“And I did not mean to, either,” said the Crystal Exarch, gripping his staff a little tighter. Something moved in his robes, though Urianger barely noticed it in his distress. “I do not know how to send you back yet, I need someone else for that. Specific someones.”

“Oh, do spare me thine apologies!” Urianger had barked. “And tellest me why thou hath brought me here, tearing me from the arms of my beloved!”

“This is the First,” the Exarch had said, and just like that, Urianger’s heart had dropped into his stomach. It made sense, now, why he had been brought here. Whether or not the Exarch had willed it, it was only fitting that the one who had torn Minfilia from the arms of her beloved, not even present near the Mother Crystal, should be brought to the world that he had sent her to save.

“I would hear everything,” said Urianger. “Spare no detail.” And the Exarch had not.

Years. Years had Urianger lived with the knowledge that the Source would die. That the First had very nearly died, that Minfilia- by the Twelve, Minfilia- had been condemned to a fate to die and then watch herself be reborn and die so young, over and over again, fighting, searching, never losing hope despite all that had occurred. Many nights had Urianger wept over this knowledge, that and the knowledge that Jack would die if the Exarch did not succeed in his plan, that he could do nothing but wait.

And then the years had passed, and brought to him Jack. And glad he was that enough time had passed for him to have reached some semblance of okay, for him to have changed his attire, to take on the responsibility of caring for this young Minfilia, providing her the education and love that she had been bereft of for all that time that she’d been kept beneath Eulmore.

Seeing Jack again was still sun after a long, cold winter with only the snow for company, though. Even if seeing the one he had torn Minfilia from was claws raked across his heart. He deserved that, though, he knew.

And now… now he had the chance to go home. Despite everything, despite the hardships that they had endured in order to get to this point, the difficulties that they’d faced to even make this work. But it was not hope that gripped Urianger’s soul but doubt. Sheer, crushing doubt, clouding his thoughts, making him unable to see. It did not go unnoticed, Jack seeing his wringing hands, his wandering fingers rolling the beads sewn onto his robes, teeth worrying his lower lip.

“Ducky?” Jack asked, nuzzling the side of his head, which now was bared to everyone, gone were the days when Urianger had hidden himself away from the world. “What’s wrong?”

The day of homecoming was fast approaching, and the other Scions were looking forward to it. Alisiae couldn’t wait to see Ga Bu again, Alphinaud would miss his family but wanted ever to follow his sister, Y’shtola dearly wanted to reunite with Krile and share her experiences with the real Master Matoya, though Thancred… Thancred wanted to remain behind, raise Minfilia again, and not lose her this time. Urianger had been excited to go home, wanting nothing more than to feel warm and safe in Cid’s embrace again, but… but.

“Do I truly deserve to go home, Ladybird?” Urianger whispered into Jack’s furry chest. “After all the pain that I havth wrought… I lied to you, I am the reason that you and your friends almost became a band of Sin Eaters. I believed the Exarch- G’raha. And look what pain his plan hath wrought. Your daughter lost the one who meant everything, the one who was then forced to relive this hopeless, pointless fight over and over until such a time as the Exarch could bring you and your friends to this world… I was the one who helped the Warriors of Darkness in the first place. All of this pain, this suffering, the root of it lieth with me.” Tears spilled freely down his cheeks as the pain crashed over him again, threatening to drown him.

“Of course you do,” Jack murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of Urianger’s head, one large thumb stroking his cheek before cupping it. “Everything came right in the end, you know this. I forgave you for lying, for plotting with the Exarch. Veronyka and Thancred both forgave you for what happened to Minfilia. Nobody blames you for what happened, especially not after what Emet-Selch told us. This whole thing… it’s a mess, yes. But it’s over now. We’ve won. And now, we can go home. Back to Cid. I know he’s been waiting for us.”

“And here I am, wondering if I even should go home without once thinking of him,” said Urianger. “Ever the selfish Urianger. He who hath orchestrated this, who has savethed all worlds by the simple act of engineering a way in which G’raha Tia might, with the Crystal Tower, journey to this world. He never knew of how that young scholar’s plans would play out.”

“Exactly,” said Jack, pulling Urianger closer into his arms. “Cid didn’t know what G’raha would do, and neither did you. But we all forgave him. Somehow.” If only because he gave Astrid the happiness that she’d been missing for so long, if only because he had good intentions, if only because it was G’raha Tia, a reminder of when times and life had been simpler. “And we all forgave you.”

“If thou believest that I am good, then… who am I to disagree with you? To proveth you wrong?” Urianger asked. “I cannot apologise enough, Ladybird. For all that I hath done. For all that I hath kept from you, the pain that I caused.”

“I think you can apologise enough, and you have,” said Jack. “But I know that guilt can be the undoing of so many people. It proves that you’re a good person, though. Only villains feel no remorse for pain that they had a part in.”

“Glad I am to have you to keep me on the right path, Ladybird,” Urianger murmured, leaning into Jack’s embrace. Though claws still dug into his heart, Jack’s presence was enough to drive back the tide. At least a little bit.

And, when Urianger finally awoke in the Rising Stones, breath hitching as his soul poured back into a body that had been bereft for moons now, it was okay. For it was not doubt that Urianger felt now but… joy. Gratefulness. Opening eyes still shaded behind red goggles, goggles which he now wanted nothing more than to tear off, casting aside the robes that he’d ever hidden behind. 

But, rather than anything so dramatic, Urianger only pushed his goggles up onto his forehead, pushing his hood back to smile upon the ever-welcome visage of Cid. A sight that he now loved so much more after hearing of the things that Cid had achieved in a world that now resided in an alternate timeline.

“You’re back,” Cid wept, arms hovering about Urianger uncertainly, remembering how his boyfriend often shied away from physical contact, needing to warm up to it. So he was surprised when Urianger initiated the hug, wrapping his arms around Cid tightly, or as tightly as this body could, given how his muscles had begun to waste away from lack of use.

“Glad am I to see your face again, Cid,” Urianger murmured, pulling back a little to look Cid in the eyes.

“Never thought I’d see that beautiful golden gaze again,” said Cid, trying in vain to brush away tears that just kept coming.

“Thank our wonderful boyfriend for that,” said Urianger. “And… you, too, Cid. For your involvement in this is ever more than you can imagine.”

“Me?” Cid asked. “What did I do?” Apart from stay behind, wringing his hands while he waited for the other parts of his soul to wake up.

“Has Jack not toldeth you?” Urianger asked.

“He did, but… I can scarcely believe it,” said Cid, drawing away to run a hand over his silver hair in a nervous gesture. Even though Jack had told him all about the other world now and Black Rose and how Ironworks had been the last bastion left to send the Crystal Tower and the sleeping miqo’te within to another world, how they’d given G’raha Tia all that he’d need in order to not only save what was left of the First but also to someday save the Source by bringing over the entirety of Solar and some of their friends. Even if G’raha had made some mistakes in drawing the Scions over instead, it had still been a feat the likes of which Cid did not believe had been possible. 

“I urgeth thee to believe it, Cid,” said Urianger, cupping Cid’s wonderful face. “Hast thou not saved us twice over now from threats arising from technology laid long dormant? Hast thou not given thy all, did thou not rescue Solar from trouble with thine airship multiple times?”

“I guess,” said Cid. “But…” But how could he, the son of the one who had very nearly destroyed the world with Project Meteor, who had indeed destroyed the home of Jack’s birth, possibly achieve anything good? He had protected the world against Alexander and Omega with the help of Jack and Solar, but how could he save the world against such a critical event as the Rejoining with naught but his own two hands, his brain, and the team at Ironworks? It was not that Cid doubted his ability, perish the thought, merely the fact that he still could not see himself as anything more than his father’s son. Even after everything.

“Thee are capable of great things, my Cid,” said Urianger. “Jack hath done his utmost to instill in me that same fact over the past few weeks.”

“You’re not still beating yourself up over the Warriors of Darkness, are you?” Cid asked.

“Hast Jack not told thee?” Urianger asked. “Of mine deception? How I did work together with the Exarch to bring about such great pain?”

“He did mention that, yes,” said Cid. “Your first mistake was letting Raha tell you what to do.”

“Had I known then who he was, I would not have listened to him, would not have heeded his words,” said Urianger. “But… learning of Jack’s death was mine undoing. Even if it did mean that he and his friends had to suffer needlessly for G’raha’s plan.”

“I would’ve done the same, don’t you worry,” said Cid. “Always worrying about others before myself. Hells, I’m doing it right now. I’m sorry, Uri. And you too, Jack. I’m hogging him.”

“We’ve had a few weeks to reunite now,” said Jack. “It’s fine. It’s your turn now.” His one visible green eye sparkled, filled with emotion. “And then it’s your turn to let us love away that doubt in you. You may be your father’s son, but… you’re definitely not following in his footsteps. Not in the way that matters. I wouldn’t love you so much if you were.”

“Heed our boyfriend’s counsel,” said Urianger, pressing a kiss to Cid’s forehead, just beneath his third eye. “He is wise in ways that we cannot comprehend.” Jack chuffed a laugh before winding his arms around both of his boyfriends, pressing kisses to both of them, the warm glow of love slowly edging back the worst of doubts.


End file.
